How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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