My friends, they love my intelligence
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
