Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
