just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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