If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
