even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
