i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
