Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
