Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
