A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
