i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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