yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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