guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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