peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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