i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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