you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
