you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
