I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
