I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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