She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
