woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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