I want to walk on stilts...naked
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
