So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
