i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
