I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
