why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
