My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
