Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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