Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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