If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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