is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
