made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
