The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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