i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
