Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
