On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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