I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
