The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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