jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
