we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
