WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
