So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
