Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
