So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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