im about as happy as oj after his trial
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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