i don't like sucking hair
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
