I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
