If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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