I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
