She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to fling myself into the sun
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
