you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
